Pain.

Day Four’s Writing 101: The Serial Killer. (See prompt here)

Trying to catch up on prompts! I think I’m getting there! 🙂

Liking someone for the first time is a strange and weird feeling. (I’ve written a couple of posts about him before.) It’s strange because I had no freaking clue how to deal with those feelings – it certainly didn’t help that he is the same major as me so I saw him often. Maybe that also made the pain a lot worse.

I remember one morning, breakfast in the dining hall. There was another friend of his and our mutual friend’s. I saw how he looked at her. And my gut didn’t like it. They were similar. They had similar experiences. They had similar hobbies. And I knew it. I didn’t want it to be true, but I knew it from then. Of course, I tried to bury that feeling and clung onto my hope. Foolishly, now that I looked back on it. Like those characters out of a typical, cliched, teenage romance novel. Sometimes I spent hours on the what-if’s instead of studying. Sometimes I spent hours on the what-if’s instead of sleeping. But that feeling never went away completely.

That gut feeling returned at random times – at times that I don’t want it. It’s annoying. It’s stupid. It’s pathetic. And I couldn’t stop it. Every time, I felt worse than before. And in one random conversation with him after class, he dropped a hint. And I knew. Now, I’m normally not the person that would cry over a guy, but I did that night. It was not my best night. And I’m pretty sure that it’ll be the only night like that.

I learned of the pain of a one-sided crush. And I had to learn how to deal with that pain.

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About squishymaru

Master's student in chemical engineering with a B.S. in chemical engineering as well. Loves chemistry, math, increasing diversity in STEM, politics, and public health advocacy. Loves reading, writing, and being active -- mentally and physically.

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